11.11.2005
Burnt out
That is how I currently feel. DH and I got into an argument this morning. He is conversationally challenged. He is like this only with me though. We NEVER have deep conversations! It drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like there is something so basic and necessary missing from my life because of this. I've been in relationships before with lots of late night talks and I KNOW what I'm missing. It is something that I desperately NEED and he can't seem to give it to me. We do try to talk but it's never a dialogue. It's me talking and him doing a lot of sitting and staring blankly. It's just making me crazy. Now he's started something new. Instead of the blank stare, he sometimes gets very aggitated and tells me he just needs to cool off. Well, if he ever could take time to cool off and then talk to me about it later, this would be great. BUT, he never gets to the talking part. I really wonder, when I am old and gray, what will I have? I am so very sad because I've tried for so long and I think I'm coming to the realization that I'm never going to get that need met from him. It breaks my heart. He wasn't like this when we were dating. It makes me feel very unloved. I just don't know what else to try at this point. I feel.....drained and just so done with it all.
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4 comments:
Your problem is not unique. Men do not like long, drawn-out conversations. Our brains are wired differently from mens' brains. Some compromise can be achieved if men schedule a time to talk about problems with us. We can not keep them up all night talking when they have to work the next day and we can sleep in. It sounds like you need to find some time away from the kids to be together---like a date night once a week. He probably misses the fun, too. You are both struggling with a lot of issues with the kids right now, and you have to make it such that he does not dread coming home, knowing that he is going to be bombarded with problems as soon as he hits the door. Just know that you are not alone in your struggles. While it is lonely where you are at right now, so many of us have similar issues and can relate. If it is true that misery loves company, then you should be in very good company, because more and more of us struggle with kid issues all the time. You are not alone! God bless!
His problem is worse than most men because we NEVER have meaningful talks. TRULY! I can talk openly with him but he just stares blankly and doesn't say anything back. He often tells me that he doesn't know what to say and I've told him that saying ANYTHING would be better than saying nothing because then I would feel like we are on the same team at least. The talking late into the night is a mute point because I usually go to bed before him and I wake up way before him as well. He works 3 days a week since starting his own business and I work 24/7 with the kids. When he comes home, it's often to a mad house environment but I cannot help that any faster than I am doing right now. He compounds the problem by being angry with everyone all the time. It's a lonely hopeless place I'm in right now. Thanks for your comments...I know I'm not alone, but I am alone here.
As a "man", I can vouch for the other Dana. We don't like to hold conversations where we might actually have to let a feeling or two slip out. We would pretend before we were married because our devious hearts knew that's what a woman looks for. I'm not much better than your husband when it comes to that, but I do love my wife dearly and I'll bet your husband does too (not your husband loving my wife....sheeesh that did'nt sound good)
If you are like me, sometimes, just venting about the kids and the wild day at home helps. As I have grown older, I realize that he has a lot of stress in his day as well, and I just compound his stress by adding on my worries. What's the solution? The best thing is to make home a haven---a respite from the outside world. With steady effort, you can win this battle you are in with the kids! It is a battle! I really feel your pain. There are two books that are "must reads" in my arsenal. One is called "Training up a Child" by Gwendolyn Webb, I think it is, that is just excellent. That's for good tips on raising the kiddos. The other is called "Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat. You can get both of them fairly cheap on Ebay or Half.com. The second one is for learning how to relate to a husband who is made differently from you! I can't recommend these books highly enough. Hope this helps some! Best of everything, Other Dana
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