And life takes another turn.....

Some of you may remember how I was struggling with this issue back in October....if not, do read, it helps with the sense making. Well, I had a feeling something like this may end up happening and wouldn't you know, I was right. I really wish I could have done it all according to plan but, hey, apparently it IS according to plan....just not mine. I have to give God the credit because I realize how insignificantly little I really know compared to him so I'll leave it in his capable hands and know he'll help me out. So, if you haven't guessed by now......I had the "Lucky 7" but now, "8 is DEFINITELY enough!" Since the cat is out of the bag and my brothers, sisters and kids already know, I thought I'd share it with the entire blogging world. We are expecting #6. I AM excited because what's not to love about a new baby. A new person to add a whole new dimension to your life. A new personality to know and love. Boy oh Boy though am I ever thinking pink. It's funny how God works if you really think about it. In late January, I woke up very early one morning having just had the most incredible dream. It was more of a revelation really. I FINALLY understood my insanely strong need for a girl. Ok, I know it'll all sound so simple and you'll wonder why I didn't get it earlier but for whatever reason....I just didn't put all the peices together. When I was pg with Tanner, 4 ultrasounds told me he was a girl. Since I always wanted 3 boys then a girl, I was over the moon excited with my sheer luck. I thought for sure this was karma rewarding me for something good. When he was born and, obviously a boy, I was immediately in love with him but still so sad. Where did my daughter go. In an attempt to have it all together, I never really was allowed the time to grieve. I developed PPD about 6 mos later but now I don't believe that was really what it was. I think that when you have a beautiful new baby, people expect you to be happy so I was never given the opportunity to mourn and I've just always felt like a piece of my heart was missing. THAT was why I had the insane need for a girl....I think I've been looking for that lost piece for a long time. After that, I talked to Jared and my mom to explain it to them. I cried and cried as I told them but you know what? I felt much better afterwards. I was very content with my lot in life of being a boy only mom and I was ready to move on. I still would have liked to have a girl but I could understand and respect Jared's opinions without inserting so much raw emotion. That being said, shortly after I found out I was pregnant! Friday, February 13th to be exact. To say I was SHOCKED would be an understatement. I felt terrible like Jared would think I had done something purposeful to get my way. He didn't. I can't say that he's jumped on the happy bandwagon yet but I'm going to let that be his issue. I feel like this one could be a girl....that's my gut feeling. BUT, I could do a whole lot worse than another beautiful boy and let's face it....I've posted their pictures and they are absolutely gorgeous. I will be 4 mos tomorrow. I am over the morning sickness but still having stomach issues. I am doing my damndest to really soak in every bit of this last time. This will be the last time and I know that already which I think makes it easier. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I can't say I'd mind to terribly if you all want to go ahead and think pink for me though.......

I feel like this post is very jumbled and long so I hope it's understandable!