This insanity has GOT to stop!

Most of you are well aware of the natural disaster that is Jake. Well, he's still up to his same ole tricks and it's got to stop. He's making me CRAZY! Jared FINALLY agreed to start handling Jake so I can have a break. I know he's an anxious kid and when he's stressed, or hungry, or tired, or his eyes are blue, he acts ANGRY! Anger is his default emotions. All feelings are worth getting angry over (as far as HE'S concerned) Today, I had enough. This was the last day (for awhile anyways) that I will be driving Jake to school. He's slow in the morning. He's unprepared (all the time) and he's always yelling, hitting, calling names, and just generally nasty. He actually had me in tears this morning. Mostly, I think, because I really wanted to just knock him out but I know that's not allowed. He makes me feel like such a terrible mother. What kind of mom doesn't enjoy her own child? I'm just tired of his brothers living in fear. They're afraid of what Jake's going to do to them, their stuff, me....the list goes on. Tucker acts like an abuse victim, even going so far as to protect Jake....it's just unhealthy. I'm so relieved that Jared agreed to take control over Jake. SO relieved!

Allergy doc info....

I know there were quite a few people interested in more information about my fabulous new allergy treatments. You can find the info HERE! I was in today with 3 boys. Jake was treated for emotions. He's such a boy run by emotion that I just knew it would be a big category for him. Sure enough, it was. The emotions that came up for him really helped fit the pieces together. He's always been a difficult kid. It's no wonder. The emotions he had gotten stuck on were:
Grouchy
Teasing
Lack of Concern
Lack of Emotion
Self Confidence
Self Destruction

Seriously, he's been unhappy since he was a toddler. This could explain why! These emotions affected nearly every part of his body!
Lungs
Skin
Heart
Liver
Gallbladder
Spleen
Stomach
Small Intestine
Large Intestine

He should be feeling much lighter and happier tomorrow! We shall see....keep your fingers crossed!

Another busy weekend in the house of testosterone.

The weather should be nice and there is plenty of work to be done. Let me tell you, nothing is more thrilling to my boys than knowing that due to their poor behavior, their weekend will include picking up poop (chicken AND dog) and doing other various odd jobs at mom's whim. Jake, Tucker and Tanner just insist on learning all lessons the hard way. I guess that's fine. It means that I don't have to do these gross jobs. I told them that since they choose to act in such a disgusting manner, they can do ALL the disgusting jobs I can come up with. Looks like I no longer have to scrub the urine stains off the tile in the bathroom either! YEAH!

He did it!

Many of you know that Jake is a somewhat difficult child. For nearly 3 years he's been attending school at a day treatment facility. It's a highly structured, therapeutic school for kids with behavioral and/or mental health issues. Jake was sent there for being incredibly defiant and disruptive. He would throw desks and books, leave the schoolgrounds and just be aggressive and miserable. Jake started his 2nd try at mainstreaming (transitioning to regular public education school) this year. I am happy to announce that at his IEP on Thursday, it was a unanimous decision to have Friday be his LAST day at the day treatment facility! Friday, as in yesterday! Starting Monday, Jake will be going to regular school, just like most other kids. It's been such a long hard road. He never wanted to be where he was put but he made the best of it. It was really tough for him but he got through it and he's grown SO much in doing so. I am very proud of him. He still blows out at home but I am happy to report that all of his new teachers LOVE him and he's got lots of new friends. He's no longer blowing out or having difficulties at school. It's so great to have him being just a regular kid. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well starting Monday. I know he's anxious and nervous...... Also, this will be his FIRST summer off in 3 years!!!!! Yep, day treatment was mandatory year round. Again, SO proud of him. They had a celebratory ceremony at the school yesterday and it was just awesome to hear all the wonderful things the staff and students had to say about him. I believe he will truly be missed but I can't wait to see what's in store for him next!

quiet-ish weekend and a BIG birthday!

I am having a quieter weekend than is the norm. Jon is away at a Boy Scout staff training weekend. (He's been chosen to help staff Brownsea this summer!) Jared, Jake and Tucker went up to Sonora to help my dad out with some work on one of his rental houses. (God only knows how they're all getting along!) I am home with just Tanner and Brennen. That doesn't really mean it's too quiet since they are both fairly active and quite loud. Still, it's a break. I was disappointed though to find that there were no good kid movies playing at the theater. We went out to lunch yesterday and had wanted to catch a movie but there was just NOTHING. Not even at home on Pay per View! We ended up having a "slumber party" in my room where we watched one of the dvds we already own. It was nice. The evening was not relaxing and I didn't sleep much. (they sleep EVERY which way) but it was great to have some time with just the little two. The big guys all return today and we will be having a big family dinner at Grandma's. 13 years ago today, Jake entered this world! He's always been extremely opinionated and marches to the beat of his own drum. It seems appropriate that he's finally hit the teenage years since he's had a teenage attitude for his entire life. Hey, maybe now he'll be sweet and compliant! A mom can dream, right?! He'll make one great adult....if he makes it that far!

Happy Birthday Jake!!!!!!!!

still hanging on....

Tucker is still home from school. His throat is still hurting and he doesn't eat much. I do think he's going back Friday though. I know he desperately misses his friends. I'm just afraid to send him back too soon and have him running around (which he's NOT supposed to do) Also, he can't eat much so lunches pose a bit of a problem. He really is the whiniest patient EVER! It's driving me nuts. He won't take his pain meds, he hardly eats, hardly drinks, LOVES to complain. It's SO frustrating. I am really looking forward to having my life back to the normal routine. Tucker also loves to yell and whine at Jake and everything Jake does. 2 nights ago, Jake snuck up on Tucker (I don't think he was being malicious) but Tucker didn't hear him and he screamed really loud! After that, he was spitting up blood. LOVELY! That is to be expected though as the healing process progresses. I won't tell you all the gory details but it's normal. I just wish I could convince him to keep the whining, yelling, and grunting down to a minimum. It is, after all, in his best interest!

Update

It's been quite some time since I've really posted anything. I thought maybe I should post an update since there is so much going on.

Jon has been really focusing on his grades lately. I have to say that I am VERY proud of him. He brought home a 3.0 for his first high school semester! I know he could've done much better and after seeing the progress he made with just a tiny bit of effort, he's finally decided that it's worth his time to just go ahead and try hard the whole time. This is a huge step for him and I hope it sticks.

Jake has been transitioning to public education. This is his second try at this. It's very difficult for him to go from the sheltered, minimal amounts of work, lots of therapy to just regular school. He's managing to fit in well. His grades leave a lot to be desired but we're finding he has some holes in his skills. Luckily the school he's going in to is VERY willing to work with him. He's now spending half his day at regular school and the second half at his private school. He should be full time in middle school by April! Jake also just landed a Macy's job. The only catch is it may only appear in Hawaii! If not, he'll be in the Macy's one day May Day sale! Look for him!

Tucker has started taking meds for ADHD. He was having some focus problems in school which may be due to his recently diagnosed Sleep Apnea. He's been doing amazingly well with the meds. It's even helped him recognize how it's not always in his best interest to align himself with big bro Jake. Tucker is due to have his surgery on Tuesday the 17th. Tonsils and Adnoids are coming out. He will have to spend one night in the hospital to be monitored but then he'll be home. Pray that all goes well and he makes a speedy recovery. Who knows, he may not even need the meds afterwards!

Tanner has also started meds. Docs think most of his problem is depression. I think it's environmental. Living with Jake is tough. I feel it too.... BUT, I see him struggling with school and if just ONE thing can be made easier for him, I'm all for it. We've been noticing great changes in him an his happiness and focus at school. Not so much at home as with Tucker though, but it's still good.

Brennen is COMPLETELY potty trained! He was SO easy. He hasn't had in accident in the longest time and he rarely wakes up wet in the morning. He's wearing pull ups at night but I think it's just about time to ditch those. I've also discovered that I was making bedtime more difficult than neccessary by rocking him. One night while trying to get him to settle down, I told him that if he didn't stop squirming, I was going to put him in his bed. He said, "Please put me in bed Mom!" I did and he went right to sleep! Man, all those tough nights....when all the poor kid wanted was the peace and quiet of his own bed! I do find though that he's not too happy to go to bed unless I'm in MY bed too. Most nights that works out fine though.

The guys have also just gotten over some nasty virus. It looks just like strep throat. Fevers, RED throat, miserable. Lasted 2-5 days and was gone. Unfortunately it hit our house in two rounds. Tanner and Brennen had it two weeks ago. Jake and Tucker had it last week. Jon seems fine. He's always healthy. Lucky dog!

Well, I think that's about it for here! What's new with you?

Miraculous!

Thank God! My boys have been cohabitating for several days now and they are BOTH still alive! Very much so, as a matter of fact. Why didn't I do this sooner? There has been peace between the two. There have been shared jokes at the dinner table and LAUGHTER! Yes, laughter, at MY table! Between Jake and TUCKER! I'm still waiting for all hell to break loose but they seem to have turned a corner. By they, I mean Jake. He's been so much happier! It's amazing! Tucker's always been a big fan of Jake's so the fact that he's going along with the good vibes is no big surprise. I am just estatic over this change.

Now if I could just get Tanner's ADHD results and some meds for him.....

Well, I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too, huh?

It has HIT the fan!

Yesterday, during the short car ride to drop the boys at their various schools, Jake and Tucker were literally trying to KILL each other. This is not the first time these two have gotten into it physically but it may very well be the last time. I decided then and there that my "24/7" plan was going in to effect. When Jon and Jake used to fight when they were younger, there were times when I would actually strap them together, forcing them to learn to work together. It always worked. SO, I've decided to go back to my parenting roots and am doing the same thing with Jake and Tucker. Last night, after MUCH effort from my and Jared's part, the boys are now roommates. Jake is PISSED, to say the least. I had wanted to sit him down and tell him once Jared got home but Tanner being Tanner, let it slip. Holy cow! Jake flipped out and demolished his room. It was the craziest I think I've ever seen him. BUT, I've decided that I'm not cutting him any slack any more and he was made to clean it up. I think overall, I WILL get the desired results. Failure isn't an option for me. He WILL behave in a kind way to Tucker. I am so sick of him picking on Tucker. They're both grounded until next Thursday so they will have nothing but time to spend with each other. Pray for us! This could get real ugly.

Boy for sale!

See my cutie right HERE!

fully scheduled

I had to have a little sit down with my calendar yesterday to map out my life. It's looking pretty full already and school hasn't even begun for the year. What HAS started is football and soccer. Jon is, once again, playing football. This year it's a bit different though.....my baby is playing HIGH SCHOOL football. I know what you're thinking, I AM far to young to have a high schooler. BUT, he is indeed a freshman this year. We picked up his schedule and he's already got his student ID card. VERY strange sensation for me.....having a high school aged child. You'll know what I mean when you get there..... Both Tucker and Tanner are playing soccer this year. It's a sport I know nothing about. I've never played. Not even in PE. I really hope they enjoy it and have a good season. Tucker tends to have a lot of anxiety about new things so I'm hoping he does ok being that most of the kids on his team have been playing for years already. Tanner is a go with the flow kind of kid but he definitely marches to the beat of his own drum. I'm just praying that his drum will be keeping time with the rest of the team otherwise we'll be in for another chaotic season (tball was a BLAST, let me tell ya....) I also have to figure in the activities that they already have going.....karate, Boy Scouts, uh, some family time.....Tanner wants to join Cub Scouts too. All that and if Jake continues to do modeling.....It's gonna be a fast paced year! BUT, I enjoy the rigidity of a schedule. I like knowing what I'm doing and when I'm doing it. I think it makes our life a bit more manageable. Wish me luck anyhow if you would......

My superstar!

I forgot to let blogland know that Jake has been featured in several Mervyn's ads now. This one is the one for this week. He HATED this outfit!

What's happenin?

Summer is more than half over! WOOhOOO! What have you all been up to? It's been a busy time here but I feel like I've been doing next to nothing......
Jon just returned from ANOTHER boy scout camp. He had a great time and even rode horses. If you know Jon, you'll know how funny that is to picture. He seemed to really enjoy it and is now pleading his case for getting a horse! Like I have the time or money for a hobby like that! He's been "dating" a girl....Dani. He says she may be "the one" It's so cute because I remember being seriously in love with Doug Pochard when I was about his age. Honestly, the love didn't last and I've no idea what ever became of him. I can't imagine that Jon will marry Dani since they are going to rival high schools and all but you never know. My cousin married her high school sweetheart....they NEVER dated anyone but each other!

Jake is still somewhat of a train wreck. His "blowouts" are more frequent than ever before and he's just downright nasty a lot of the time. I took him to see a new doc and she asked if he was ever tested for Autism! I will be having a phone appointment Wednesday as a first step for that testing. After looking up info online, I have to say, I wouldn't be surprised if they say he has Asperger's. I have been searching for answers for SO many years that I'd love to have something concrete as a starting point. So, please pray that the docs can tell me SOMETHING!

Tucker had his first sleepover this Sunday! Yes, he IS 10 but he's always been so nervous that I've never really pushed the issue. It was so cute when I dropped him off. His buddies ran out the door to meet him...."TUCKER'S here!" He had THE biggest grin on his face. He ended up having a fabulous time. I'm so proud of him.

Tanner's been looking for trouble as usual. Man, oh man! The things that this kid comes up with.....He never ceases to amaze me. I think he must've changed his clothes at least 4 times yesterday! I really think Dennis the Menace is a true story....based on Tanner! But, gosh, he sure is cute. I think that may be his one saving grace.

Brennen is just more and more of a big boy every day. He's become quite a biter lately. He's teething and all....Now though, when I tell him that it hurts me, he kisses the spot he's just bitten. Because, well you know, Mommy always kisses boo boos so that's just how you do it. He was having some problem with his ear last week. I took him to the Dr. and he didn't have an ear infection but it was obviously very uncomfortable. I couldn't even touch the outer part of his right ear without him looking as though I just shocked him. We got some drops and he's now all better! He's even been sleeping through the night for the last 3 nights! This is SO wonderful because I was getting really grouchy for a second there..... I guess the teeth have all poked through and now that the ear's better, he's good to go. Sleep is an awesome thing!

Nothing too fun planned this week. We may have to hit Great America one day. I'm throwing my brother's fiance a Bridal Shower on Saturday. Never done that before but I think it's all coming together nicely. We'll be off to Lake Tahoe soon enough too! Can't wait for that! Of course it's a forced vacation as our house is being tented for termites. BUT, the kids are SUPER excited. We didn't go at all last year!

Oh poo!

A couple days ago, I was trying to interest Brennen in a trip n try to the toilet. He politely declined my offer but continued to toot. I thought, oh well.... 5 minutes later, I told the kids to get their suits on since it was really just too hot in the house and we were going to take a quick dip. Brennen was SO excited to go swimming. He ran over and got a swim diaper for me. It was pretty dark in our house since I've been keeping all the shades down on the windows to help cut the heat....so when I saw the little "discoloration" in his diaper, I simply wiped his bottom before putting his swim diaper on. We had a lovely time in the pool. It was so refreshing yet oh too brief. I had to take Jon to his girlfriend's house (YES, he has one! That'll have to be a different post) Jake was, as usual, being a terd. What happened next really let me know that, karmically speaking, the planets are aligned just right....

Jake: What the H@LL?!?!? Who CRAPPED on the floor? Oh MAN! I just STEPPED in it!
me: Well, I guess someone's trying to tell you that maybe you should be a little nicer...(giggling the whole time)

He was FURIOUS! Apparently that discoloration I had noticed in the diaper had come from a bit more than a little toot. I swear though, I didn't notice anything falling out of the diaper! I mean, seriously, I know my house is a mess and all......5 boys!....but I'm not one to knowingly leave a terd lying on the floor! I just thought it was poetic justice...the only thing funnier would have been if he laid down to watch tv......
Ok, I guess that's just mean! LOL

Also at the game

Jake and Tucker had found some sticks they were playing with. They weren't fighting with them as you'd expect but they were jumping and hitting leaves off a tree. I saw nothing wrong with it, they were way off behind all the people who were watching the game. Some potato shaped lady saw fit to say something to them though. I cannot imagine what made her think it was ok to do so. Next thing I know, this giant spud of a woman was yelling, "Does anyone know whose boys these are?!?!?!"
"Yes, they're mine"
"Well you might want to do something, they are playing with sticks and being EXTREMELY disrespectful to me"
"They're playing way over there and they're not fighting or anything, they're being fine"
"Well, MY little ones are over there and somebody COULD get hurt! When I said something to your son, he was VERY rude to me."
At this point I'm thinking, "Lady, you get what you deserve!" If she talked half as rudely to him as she was yelling at me, I don't blame him.
Next thing I know, Jared is over by Jake trying to wrench the stick out of his hands (Jared doesn't always handle things the way I would) and while Jared is doing this, I've got not just Ms. Potatohead but another woman in a tight, sausage casing of a flowered skirt, yelling at me!?!
I said," Can you see we're handling it?! Why don't you just simmer down and let us take care of it?"
I was SO pissed off. My kids were playing nicely. Jake would NEVER hurt a little one (who wasn't his brother!) If she was so concerned about the safety of her little one (maybe 2ish) she should have removed him. He was about 30 feet away from her off to the back! ALSO, had she respectfully requested that Jake and Tucker play farther away with the sticks, they certainly would have been respectful and done so. NO, instead, she told Jake "why don't you put that stick down before you kill someone with it. I know who your mother is and I'm going to tell her on you. I am going to go get security and you're going to be in trouble." Now tell me......in your opinion....should a kid treat a disrespectful adult with the utmost of respect? All Jake told her was, "you're not my parent and my mom doesn't want me talking to strangers" I'm sorry but I think you get what you earn and being bigger and older does not equal instant respect. As far as I'm concerned, Jake was more respectful to her than she was to him.

Jake

It just dawned on me that I don't think I posted that Jake IS home. He came home Sunday night. I took all the boys and my sister to visit him and the doc ended up just releasing him. He's been trying very hard to hold it together at home and I have noticed an improvement. He hasn't threatened to kill himself at all and he's only threatened his brother once or twice. Tucker, really....nobody else. He's still getting little to no sleep and I've put in a call to the doc to get some sleep aid prescribed. I should hear back from him tomorrow. It's hard to be patient while waiting for him to call.....nobody is sleeping well because of Jake's lack of sleep. I think once we can regulate his sleep, a lot of his other issues will get a bit better. I SO hope we get something for him tomorrow.....I'm tired!

No Jake...

He's still in the hospital. I haven't spoken to him since Monday morning. I want to leave it up to him to call me....I'm not sure where he's at mentally so I don't want to push by calling. Apparently, he was told by the school that I wanted him sent to the hospital. That's not exactly how it went down and I am more than a little upset at the school for leading him to believe this. I have to live with him....I can't have him resenting ME for something I didn't do. As of last night when I talked to his social worker, he is convinced that I did this to him. He hates me. Never wants to speak to me again. Still maintains the thoughts that he wishes he had killed himself when he had the chance. I am just heartbroken. I know in my head that he is where he needs to be right now but I can't help but feel like I've lost my child. I feel like I've aged 10 years in just 4 short days. I think I'm going to see him tomorrow. He needs to understand that I didn't do this to him. This happened because of what HE was saying. I am so sad in a strangely peaceful way. The boys are much calmer without Jake and they are starting to be more respectful and obedient. Jake was so defiant. Always ignoring our requests and his forms of discipline. It was such a bad example for the others. Now that the defiant one isn't here, the others aren't as defiant. I think this is what our family needed to heal.......

Bad day

It's been a really rough day here. Jake was 5150'd today by his school. For any of you who don't know what that means.....basically, if someone is acting or saying things that are "crazy" (for lack of a better term) the police are called in to assess the situation and possibly take the person for psychiatric evaluation. Well, Jake had his typical rough morning but usually when I drop him off at school, he pulls it together and has a decent day. He always apologizes for the way he's treated me when he gets home. Well, not so today. Instead, I dropped him off, he continued on his tirade and told his counselor he wanted to kill himself! This is not out of the ordinary for him to say (sadly enough, we hear this almost DAILY from him) The police were called and he was taken into the hospital. Now he's being transferred for further evaluation. I feel like I am in the middle of a bad dream. I'm a walking zombie. Even as I type this, it feels very surreal. I am hoping and praying that someone, anyone! can give me some answers on how to help him. I am lost. I don't know what else to try anymore and I'm very worried for what his future holds. I'm just praying that they can find something simple, something that's been somehow overlooked that would explain it all. I just want something I can read up on and understand. Some way to be able to get through to my child. Please pray for us!

no...

Jake is home today with a low grade fever! Oh, the joys of motherhood. My day is going to be fun. Guaranteed!

somebody save me....

Jake is home AGAIN today! He's had a low grade fever since last Friday. Now, in his defense, he has been diagnosed with both anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. I don't know which, if either of those, is correct. AND he's not on ANY meds for either one anyway. SO, I guess it's not 100% his fault that he's being a raging terd! He had a HUGE rage episode last night. This is something we haven't seen for awhile now. In the course of 3 hours, he was fighting with Jon (who's MUCH bigger) pulling his hair, hitting him, throwing things at him, flipping him off and cussing him out. Oh yeah, he even pulled a knife on him and said he was going to kill him! He hit, pushed and yelled at both Tucker and Tanner (more Tuck than Tan) He yelled quite a bit at me when I had to tell him to take a break in his room. He was SUPER defiant with both me and Jared and so he was sent to bed early. He was finally escorted down to his room by Jared and then threw everything he could get his hands on at him! 30 minutes later, he SWORE that Jared had taken all his things away! He couldn't even seem to remember that he THREW them at him! It's times like this that make me wish they had *emergency meds* to be administered as needed. I think they would have to come in the form of darts....you know, dart gun type darts. I don't know how I'd ever be able to coerce him into taking a pill when he's like this. UGH! I could REALLY use a vacation!