Full Moon

It's tonight. In case you're wondering. The next full moon. Maybe that will help encourage this lil guy to GET OUT OF MY BELLY! I know, I am THE MOST impatient person ever! I just feel like I've been waiting SO long. I'n not uncomfortable (not too bad) I just would LOVE to NOT have to be induced. At my next appt, they will make me talk induction. I despise induction. Really, what I'd love, if it were all up to me would be to have this baby in the comfort of my OWN home. I don't really even want to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, when I researched home births, I found it to be VERY expensive. We're talking $5000 minimum! YIKES! At least with my coverage, I go to the hospital and go home without spending a dime! It's almost like I get a free baby....well, free to take home, where I can spend the rest of my life spending money on him! Cross your fingers that the full moon will help! Besides, my entire family will be together at my mom's for a family dinner tonight. We'll already be assembled so we can just carpool to the hospital. Good plan, right?

This insanity has GOT to stop!

Most of you are well aware of the natural disaster that is Jake. Well, he's still up to his same ole tricks and it's got to stop. He's making me CRAZY! Jared FINALLY agreed to start handling Jake so I can have a break. I know he's an anxious kid and when he's stressed, or hungry, or tired, or his eyes are blue, he acts ANGRY! Anger is his default emotions. All feelings are worth getting angry over (as far as HE'S concerned) Today, I had enough. This was the last day (for awhile anyways) that I will be driving Jake to school. He's slow in the morning. He's unprepared (all the time) and he's always yelling, hitting, calling names, and just generally nasty. He actually had me in tears this morning. Mostly, I think, because I really wanted to just knock him out but I know that's not allowed. He makes me feel like such a terrible mother. What kind of mom doesn't enjoy her own child? I'm just tired of his brothers living in fear. They're afraid of what Jake's going to do to them, their stuff, me....the list goes on. Tucker acts like an abuse victim, even going so far as to protect Jake....it's just unhealthy. I'm so relieved that Jared agreed to take control over Jake. SO relieved!

Allergy doc info....

I know there were quite a few people interested in more information about my fabulous new allergy treatments. You can find the info HERE! I was in today with 3 boys. Jake was treated for emotions. He's such a boy run by emotion that I just knew it would be a big category for him. Sure enough, it was. The emotions that came up for him really helped fit the pieces together. He's always been a difficult kid. It's no wonder. The emotions he had gotten stuck on were:
Grouchy
Teasing
Lack of Concern
Lack of Emotion
Self Confidence
Self Destruction

Seriously, he's been unhappy since he was a toddler. This could explain why! These emotions affected nearly every part of his body!
Lungs
Skin
Heart
Liver
Gallbladder
Spleen
Stomach
Small Intestine
Large Intestine

He should be feeling much lighter and happier tomorrow! We shall see....keep your fingers crossed!

Sad weekend

It was a really sad weekend for my family. Lies were told, hearts were broken and ultimately a 15 year relationship came to an end. It wasn't a decision that I found easy to make but one that had been a long time coming. My head is still spinning from the shock and utter devastation of it all. I am broken yet trying my best to put on a good face for my precious boys. If prayer is something you believe in, I'm asking that you pray for healing for my family. Healing and peace. We could use both at this time.

Thank you so much.

TGIF!

The title says it all, really. It's been an unusually LONG week for me here. Not that there were a whole lot of extracurricular activities or anything. I'm honestly not sure why it felt so long but I'm dang glad it's over. I'm looking forward to this long Memorial Day weekend. I plan on getting some more improvements done to my place. There is a long list of work that still needs to be done. I'm DYING to get all my pictures rehung in the living room so I plan on at least getting that accomplished. The house is really looking better. The boys think I've gone all psycho on them since I bark at them whenever they have any food or drink out in the living room but, in my defense, it took a lot of work to get things looking nice and I'll be damned if I let those dirty little boys have their way with it! They can eat in the kitchen, like civilized people. If they don't like it, they CAN go eat outside with the other animals! I don't mind. Just not in my living room.

Other than some work, it's a bday weekend for us here. Jon turns 15 on Sunday. My mom wants to have a big family bbq on Monday which should be fun. My sister Bre has been MIA since she and her BF moved in together. It'll be nice to see them.

How about you? Any big Memorial Day traditions or plans?

Bummer!

Since I've been given one last opportunity to experience pregnancy,labor and delivery(in all it's glory! LOL) I wanted to really soak it all in and do it MY way. One thing I've always wanted to do but never have is a home birth. I've been looking into some options. We have Kaiser and it doesn't offer that option which, I think, stinks! I've been researching it online but am finding that it's ridiculously expensive. We're talking $5500 here! YIKES! Yeah, like I've got that in my back pocket. I'm really bummed out about it because when Brennen was born, they put a limit on how many people could be in the delivery room. Basically, I was forced to have some people wait it out in the waiting room. Not that I want a big ole party in there but, I have a big family and I want who I want to be there. I also would LOVE to do water birth. That's something that's always interested me. Alas, Kaiser doesn't offer that wonderful choice either. Pooh on Kaiser! So, I think I am going to be stinkin hospital bound at some point in October. I'm not happy about it at all. I HATE staying in the hospital. To me, the hospital stay is FAR WORSE than labor and delivery. I hate being woken up at all hours of the night by nurses checking to make sure I'm feeding my baby. Well, I haven't lost one yet so chances are, I'm a fairly capable mother. Also, the beds aren't comfy and I don't really want to hear everyone elses babies. I just want to rest. Hopefully, things will go smoothly and they'll let me out of that prison early. It'd be even easier if it was just a girl because I wouldn't have to wait to have any "procedures" done. UGH! Yes, I'm going to pout about not getting my way. I am going to continue to search for an option that's more appealing and financially doable. If you have any ideas....send em my way!

And life takes another turn.....

Some of you may remember how I was struggling with this issue back in October....if not, do read, it helps with the sense making. Well, I had a feeling something like this may end up happening and wouldn't you know, I was right. I really wish I could have done it all according to plan but, hey, apparently it IS according to plan....just not mine. I have to give God the credit because I realize how insignificantly little I really know compared to him so I'll leave it in his capable hands and know he'll help me out. So, if you haven't guessed by now......I had the "Lucky 7" but now, "8 is DEFINITELY enough!" Since the cat is out of the bag and my brothers, sisters and kids already know, I thought I'd share it with the entire blogging world. We are expecting #6. I AM excited because what's not to love about a new baby. A new person to add a whole new dimension to your life. A new personality to know and love. Boy oh Boy though am I ever thinking pink. It's funny how God works if you really think about it. In late January, I woke up very early one morning having just had the most incredible dream. It was more of a revelation really. I FINALLY understood my insanely strong need for a girl. Ok, I know it'll all sound so simple and you'll wonder why I didn't get it earlier but for whatever reason....I just didn't put all the peices together. When I was pg with Tanner, 4 ultrasounds told me he was a girl. Since I always wanted 3 boys then a girl, I was over the moon excited with my sheer luck. I thought for sure this was karma rewarding me for something good. When he was born and, obviously a boy, I was immediately in love with him but still so sad. Where did my daughter go. In an attempt to have it all together, I never really was allowed the time to grieve. I developed PPD about 6 mos later but now I don't believe that was really what it was. I think that when you have a beautiful new baby, people expect you to be happy so I was never given the opportunity to mourn and I've just always felt like a piece of my heart was missing. THAT was why I had the insane need for a girl....I think I've been looking for that lost piece for a long time. After that, I talked to Jared and my mom to explain it to them. I cried and cried as I told them but you know what? I felt much better afterwards. I was very content with my lot in life of being a boy only mom and I was ready to move on. I still would have liked to have a girl but I could understand and respect Jared's opinions without inserting so much raw emotion. That being said, shortly after I found out I was pregnant! Friday, February 13th to be exact. To say I was SHOCKED would be an understatement. I felt terrible like Jared would think I had done something purposeful to get my way. He didn't. I can't say that he's jumped on the happy bandwagon yet but I'm going to let that be his issue. I feel like this one could be a girl....that's my gut feeling. BUT, I could do a whole lot worse than another beautiful boy and let's face it....I've posted their pictures and they are absolutely gorgeous. I will be 4 mos tomorrow. I am over the morning sickness but still having stomach issues. I am doing my damndest to really soak in every bit of this last time. This will be the last time and I know that already which I think makes it easier. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I can't say I'd mind to terribly if you all want to go ahead and think pink for me though.......

I feel like this post is very jumbled and long so I hope it's understandable!

Update

It's been quite some time since I've really posted anything. I thought maybe I should post an update since there is so much going on.

Jon has been really focusing on his grades lately. I have to say that I am VERY proud of him. He brought home a 3.0 for his first high school semester! I know he could've done much better and after seeing the progress he made with just a tiny bit of effort, he's finally decided that it's worth his time to just go ahead and try hard the whole time. This is a huge step for him and I hope it sticks.

Jake has been transitioning to public education. This is his second try at this. It's very difficult for him to go from the sheltered, minimal amounts of work, lots of therapy to just regular school. He's managing to fit in well. His grades leave a lot to be desired but we're finding he has some holes in his skills. Luckily the school he's going in to is VERY willing to work with him. He's now spending half his day at regular school and the second half at his private school. He should be full time in middle school by April! Jake also just landed a Macy's job. The only catch is it may only appear in Hawaii! If not, he'll be in the Macy's one day May Day sale! Look for him!

Tucker has started taking meds for ADHD. He was having some focus problems in school which may be due to his recently diagnosed Sleep Apnea. He's been doing amazingly well with the meds. It's even helped him recognize how it's not always in his best interest to align himself with big bro Jake. Tucker is due to have his surgery on Tuesday the 17th. Tonsils and Adnoids are coming out. He will have to spend one night in the hospital to be monitored but then he'll be home. Pray that all goes well and he makes a speedy recovery. Who knows, he may not even need the meds afterwards!

Tanner has also started meds. Docs think most of his problem is depression. I think it's environmental. Living with Jake is tough. I feel it too.... BUT, I see him struggling with school and if just ONE thing can be made easier for him, I'm all for it. We've been noticing great changes in him an his happiness and focus at school. Not so much at home as with Tucker though, but it's still good.

Brennen is COMPLETELY potty trained! He was SO easy. He hasn't had in accident in the longest time and he rarely wakes up wet in the morning. He's wearing pull ups at night but I think it's just about time to ditch those. I've also discovered that I was making bedtime more difficult than neccessary by rocking him. One night while trying to get him to settle down, I told him that if he didn't stop squirming, I was going to put him in his bed. He said, "Please put me in bed Mom!" I did and he went right to sleep! Man, all those tough nights....when all the poor kid wanted was the peace and quiet of his own bed! I do find though that he's not too happy to go to bed unless I'm in MY bed too. Most nights that works out fine though.

The guys have also just gotten over some nasty virus. It looks just like strep throat. Fevers, RED throat, miserable. Lasted 2-5 days and was gone. Unfortunately it hit our house in two rounds. Tanner and Brennen had it two weeks ago. Jake and Tucker had it last week. Jon seems fine. He's always healthy. Lucky dog!

Well, I think that's about it for here! What's new with you?

Brennen and the blueberry

So, the other morning, Jared made the boys' favorite breakfast....thin pancakes. It's an old family recipe and they are wonderful. They're sort of like crepes and we put a bit of sugar, some berries and cream inside and roll em up. Well Brennen's favorite part by far are the blueberries. He eats them as quickly as he can and asks for more. He's a blueberry fiend, really. Well, this time he tried something a bit different.

"Mom, it in my nose"
"What honey? What about your nose?"
"It in my nose mom"

He sounded sort of stuffy and he WAS picking at his nose so I tilted his head back to take a peak. Sure enough, I see the telltale color......

He'd shoved a BLUEBERRY up his nose! Luckily he was able to blow hard enough to launch it out! YIKES! Why do kids DO these things? Stranger still.....why is he my FIRST to ever stick something up his nose? I would've thought for sure that Tanner would be all over that trick!

Brennen continually tried to shove more blueberries up his schnoz after that. Needless to say, he didn't get anymore blueberries and he decided he was done with breakfast. Actually, his exact words (after being denied more berries) were
"I HATE breakfast!"

Yep, that's his latest, if he doesn't get his way. OH, the drama!

So not good....

The photo session did NOT go perfectly. No, it did not. In fact, I do believe that the monkeys completely took over the zoo. It was almost painful. Why is it so hard to get just ONE.DECENT.PICTURE!?!?! There was one that was SO great. Brennen looked absolutely angelic, Tanner looked basically beautiful, Tucker looked casually cute, Jon looked daringly dashing and Jake looked....Ok, Jake was Jake the JOKER! They all looked SO perfect, complete eye contact with the camera and everything until your eye gets to Jake who has the cheesiest, let's-see-how-big-my-smile-can-be-and-how-tight-I-can-squeeze-my-eyes-shut, look on his face! UGH! In the end I guess I did get some that I can hang on my wall. Someday, when I look at that photo, I may even forget the chaos that was that moment! It just went SO differently in my head.


I'll post them when I get them...... You'll see what I mean!

It's picture day!

I've scheduled and rescheduled our family pictures about 4 times now. Today is the day. Brennen no longer has bruises on his forehead, Jared's scraped up nose is all better, the runny noses are minimal, I, of course, broke out for the occasion but can luckily put on makeup..... This is our first family (of 7) picture! It's the ONLY thing I want for Christmas and I can hardly wait! Please help me out and pray for the photographer to be patient, with a sense of humor. Pray that the boys are happy and not homicidal! This could be really bad......think good thoughts for me!

Struggling

I've been really down lately. I'm the kind of person who likes to have a certain amount of control in her life. Not a control freak, but I like a moderate amount of control over the direction my life is headed. I have been feeling lately like my future is not something I can control. I'm talking about family. I've always wanted a large family. Some would say that I got my wish. I know I have many things to be very grateful for. Really I do. I am SO blessed to have 5 gorgeous boys. The thing that's gotten me down though is that I would love to have one more and Jared is against it. Since the beginning of our relationship, I've always said that I wanted an even number of kids. Don't know why that means anything to me but it just does. Jared was always fine with that. We had a lot of ups and downs with pregnancies and miscarriages but our family was growing and beautiful. I really thought I was done at 4 but then....SURPRISE! Brennen came along. Honestly, when I found out I was pg with Brennen, I cried! I always thought that if we had anymore, it would be planned and coordinated to give us the best chances of having a little something pink. That was not to be. Jared has told me since Brennen's birth that "Of course we can have another and try to work the odds in our favor" Not that having a daughter is the end all, be all but IF timing could be manipulated so we got a girl....great! If not, then oh well, we tried and our family would be complete.

Lately, I have been feeling like we need to just do it.....complete our family. Jared tells me that he doesn't want another one right now. WHAT?!?! This is the first time....EVER, that I've felt like my biological clock is ticking and he tells me not now! Not exactly a "no, I don't want anymore kids" but "not now" What the heck? I certainly don't want to put another 4.5 years between B and a #6. I'm not sure what Jared's waiting for. He claims it's because we don't own a home. Well, I can respect that but it's hard to. It seems to me that he'd be willing to have another later but I'm not getting any younger here and I'd really like to do something more with my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to sacrifice all my wants and desires to be a stay at home mom. I think it's the best job ever! BUT, I do have some goals for my life too. Things I want to do when the kids are all school age. I don't feel like I want to delay that another several years.

Another struggle I'm having is, if I'm honest, not having a girl. I've wanted a little girl for the longest time. 4 ultrasounds told me that Tanner was a girl. What a surprise that was! I am absolutely in love with Tanner but I feel like I'm still grieving the loss of Teagan Rose. It certainly doesn't make it any easier when everybody I know is having girls lately. I'd love to be 100% happy for them, really, I would. But I feel like while I am happy for them, I am SO sad for me. Where's my girl? Jared thinks he's hilarious when he tells me I finally got my girls (the chickens!) Ha Ha. It's such a sore spot for me. I really feel like something is missing. I want a daughter to share life with. To shop with, do her hair, teach her how to talk to boys, be silly and girly with. Jared always says he "tried" to have a girl but we've never done anything different to get a girl. At least if we tried to time it for a girl we could honestly say we tried. At the very least, we'd get another beautiful boy

I am very sad lately. I love my boys dearly and would do ANYTHING for them. I would love to have another baby. Unfortunately, I won't be getting what I want. Can anyone tell me how to get over this? I cry about it everytime I think about it. I still feel like a part of our family is missing. I'm starting to think I'm getting into a depression. All Jared can say is "sorry" I feel like my heart has been crushed by him. He spent the last couple of years telling me we would have one more and I don't know if he ever meant it. I kind of want to smack him but don't know if it'd help at all. I feel like it's not fair.....I do my best to make sure he gets everything HE wants. I've never asked him for anything......

I'm hoping somebody will have some words of wisdom for me here......

Update on a LONG couple of weeks!

First of all, I wanted to say "Thank you!" for all of your kind words in this difficult time. We held the viewing and memorial for Granny last Friday and Saturday. It was wonderful. Even though most, if not all, of her friends had passed before her, she had so many people there who knew and loved her. Afterwards we had quite the celebration for her at my parents house. My family from LA has been staying here so it's been a fun and LOUD week with my 5 boys and her 4 kids! It's been really great for the kids to all get to know each other better. They get along really well and it's such a shame that we all live so far away. It's been a "naughty" week for Jake. I already know that he has trouble adjusting to change and these past couple of weeks have been chock full of changes! Needless to say, he's been an absolute monster. I try to be understanding with him but it sure is difficult when he's constantly trying to choke his brother or telling me he's just going to kill himself.....YEP! Just the kind of actions I need most right now. Jon has also been in "show off" mode. He just seems to say and do the dingiest things....almost like he loses all control of his brain for a brief moment. Tucker has been pretty good through it all....Tanner too. I was a bit worried how they'd deal with the death since they haven't had much experience with it. I was pleased that they seemed to handle it really well. Tanner was very curious and just kept vigil by the casket. Tucker cried during the ceremony but was so quick to give out hugs and kisses to others who were crying. Such a sweet boy. We had a fun filled week. We visited Memorial Park on Tuesday in honor of Granny. It was one of her favorite camping spots....so beautiful. We had a great time. Yesterday was spent playing, swimming, bbqing, and laughing. All in all, it's been a wonderful week full of memories of Granny. I can only hope to leave behind such a legacy. I will have to post some pictures later because there have been countless Kodak moments this week! Thank you again for all the support!